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Men Can’t Recognize Their Own Bald Spots; How Will They Know Where The G-spot Is

She said hello to maturity and goodbye to orgasms. But time is on her side.

Case #: 487

Concern:

Time is a bitch. I know because I’m an old timer and oh, so bitchy! I’m pushing 40 and being pushed around by nature. It only takes me exact 36 minutes and 57 seconds to reach an orgasm – but who’s timing it? Is over-the-hill climaxing classified information? It seems to my fiancée because the word “orgasm” is like Morse code to him: he just can’t decipher it! He uses his digits to grope my bunker but they’re hardened from the handling of his M40A5 rifle and they hurt my desert storm flower. Mayday!

My lieutenant says men can’t recognize their own bald spots; how will they know where the G-spot is? Have they heard of the GPS? She believes the only G a male can target is the G-string bikini. I’ve tried wearing one too to make my marine more alert, but it got tangled up on some of my more brazen hemorrhoids and I had to ditch it.

I’ve arranged a rendezvous with my marksman at 21:00 hundred hours tonight and I’ll go in all guns blazing. I’ll camouflage myself as Megan Fox and disguise my foxhole as an enemy combatant to see if my sharpshooter can charge me up and then discharge my endorphins in no time. I’m a ticking time bomb and I need your advice ASAP.

Discussion:

If you feel you lost the ability to climax in 10 minutes because among the dark-haired foliage of your pubic forest you’ve located an albino cotyledon, you are mistaken. Maturity brings challenges, but it also reveals the fertile multiple-orgasms ecosystem that many young women are yet to unearth.

Because of physiological changes brought by Mother Nature, vaginal juices dry up and many women are left with a desert for a vagina. And some get so thirsty! Anorgasmia, vaginal prolapse, endometriosis, dyspareunia or vaginismus and decline in progesterone levels are also maturity gifts. Thanks, but no thanks.

Psychotropics usage, hereditary genital issues, cellular decay, pelvic surgeries, and somatic injuries are also causes of orgasm difficulty. In the case of trauma to the organs, vaginoplasty is a reliable method of restoring sexual adequacy; when the source of anorgasmia is physiological or emotional, youth restoration is your forte. Want your girl power back? Try these:

  • Angelica, Oatstraw, Nettle (libido enhancers)
  • Clary Sage, Chamomile, Calamus Root (uterine rebuilders)
  • Vitex, Dandelion, Sarsaparilla (endocrine system boosters)
  • Lady’s Mantle, Fennel, Kwau Krua (breasts augmenters)
  • Red Clover, Watercress, Blessed Thistle (anti-carcinogenics)
  • Wheatgrass, Rhodiola, Black Cardamom (neurological system buffers)

Clitoral Insensibility

As the biological clock ticks, the clitoris goes from a mountain of euphoria to a mound of serenity. Clitoral insensibility is one of the novelties women have to brave in this new world of maturity. Vaginal dryness, menopause, vulvodynia, hormonal imbalance, genital wounds, STDs, psychological disorders, nerve damage, and sexual dissatisfaction can all cause clitoral numbness.

There are two erogenous points on women’s genitals - men have only one (no surprise here). In theory, deep penetration doesn’t make a woman climax. It’s necessary to excite the vagina’s upper third (clitoris, G-spot) in order to get a woman to reach orgasm but if a man can’t locate the G-spot or is a premature ejaculator, there’s a good chance he will be apologizing sooner than later and you will be blaming Father Time. Don’t. Find a more mature partner. And, of course, take your herbs that synergized in a formula to restore back vaginal & clitoral sensitivity like the old days.

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